Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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