i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
being pregnant is like rehab
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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