i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
