are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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