hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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