Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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