Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
