The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
