I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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