So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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