i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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