Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
