Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
