i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
