I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I AM VODKA MAN
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
