Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
