YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
