he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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