Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
