Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
