I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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