Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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