theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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