giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
