he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
