Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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