is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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