Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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