20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
