god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
