It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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