what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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