You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
