Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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