Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
