You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
please come you make the beer taste better
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
