My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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