peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He passed out mid-signature
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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