so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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