so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
