Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
