why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
