I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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