you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
