did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
