Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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