i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
