Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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