I puked a lego.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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