Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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