If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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