You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
