i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
