So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
