I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
