so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
