it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
