this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
