Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
