I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
