now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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