if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So much rum. So many feels.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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