haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
