Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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