the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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